ExpertLaw's Collection of Lawyer Jokes

The Lawyer Genie

A young man, shipwrecked on a small, deserted island, found an old oil lamp sticking out of the sand. He picked it up, and looked at it, thinking, "Wouldn't it be cool if there were a Genie in here?" He knew that Genies did not exist, but figured he had nothing to lose, so he dutifully polished the lamp.

To his amazement, an enormous Genie emerged from the lamp in a cloud of smoke. The Genie announced, "Thank you for freeing me from the lamp. In accord with the customs and principles of my profession, you are entitled to precisely three wishes. Wishes will be granted in accord with the laws of the State of California, and any claims, disputes, or disagreements relating to the wishes shall be resolved by binding arbitration applying California laws."

"That's weird," said the man, "I never thought a Genie would sound so much like a lawyer."

"But I am a lawyer," replied the Genie, "I am both a lawyer and a Genie. You should be aware that, for every wish you make, I will not only grant your wish but will grant every attorney in the world double what you wish for."

The man didn't care much for attorneys, and he wasn't sure what to make of the Genie, but what was the worst that could happen? He decided to take the Genie's offer, and make his wishes.

"I wish for fifty million dollars," he said. As money poured down around him, the Genie reminded him that every attorney in the world had just received one hundred million dollars.

"My second wish is for a luxurious mansion, more stunning than Versailles, fully staffed and furnished with fine antiques." The ground rumbled, and a mansion slowly rose from the earth. It was astonishingly beautiful. A butler approached him with a tray of fine food. He ate hungrily, thinking, "It really can't get any better than this."

But then the Genie reminded him, "Every attorney in the world just received a mansion twice as nice as this one."

The man thought carefully about his last wish. He appreciated what the Genie had done for him, but it burned him to think that the attorney who had botched his divorce case had fared even better. And there was the attorney who had stolen from his mother's estate. And wasn't the President an attorney? The man shuddered, realizing what people like that could do with this kind of wealth and the power it could bring. And it was then that he made his final wish.

"I really want to give something back to society," the man said. "I wish to donate one of my kidneys for transplant."

These joke pages are intended to inspire smiles, smirks and groans. We have attempted to create a collection of quality lawyer jokes and cartoons, and hope that you find many you haven't seen before. If you hate lawyer jokes, don't read 'em - and lighten up! For the rest of you, we hope you get a good laugh.

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