ExpertLaw's Collection of Lawyer Jokes

Simple Questions

What would happen if you lock a zombie in a room full of lawyers?

He would starve to death.

What do you call a lawyer with an I.Q. of 50?


What do you call a lawyer gone bad?

"Your honor."

What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.

What does it mean when a lawyer tells his clients he has a sliding fee schedule?

It means that after you pay his bill, it's financially hard to get back on your feet.

If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?

What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!

Why do they bury lawyers twelve feet deep?

Because deep down, they are really good guys.

Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.

What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

A shortage of sand.

How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.

Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Answer #1: Take your foot off his head.

Answer #2: No? Good!

What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?

When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.

What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.

Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetary.

These joke pages are intended to inspire smiles, smirks and groans. We have attempted to create a collection of quality lawyer jokes and cartoons, and hope that you find many you haven't seen before. If you hate lawyer jokes, don't read 'em - and lighten up! For the rest of you, we hope you get a good laugh.

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